The College Fix

Okay. Something a little light hearted today. Let’s talk about Oreos.

When your tire goes flat and you’re laid up with pneumonia–you’ve still got those chocolatey cookies on the outside. When the government shutdown is looming, and your team blows a ninth inning lead in a playoff game–you’ve still got that creamy filling on the inside.

Yes, the Oreo. It may be the world’s best cookie. It may also be the most unhealthy snack you can buy–who knows. But one thing is for sure, whether you dunk them in a glass of icy cold milk, twist them open, or gobble them whole, they are addictive. Just how addictive? Well, VERY.

The scientists up at Connecticut College, probably just looking for a good excuse to swipe some cookies between rounds of experiments, decided to do a study of how addictive Oreos can be. According to Fox News, when the lab rats ate Oreos “they formed an equally strong association with the cookies as when other rats were injected with cocaine or morphine.”

Now, try for a moment to erase the image of swarms of rats gorging themselves on a bag of Oreos. (You don’t want that image to ruin your future enjoyment of these treats, do you?)

Okay. Is the image gone? Good.

I am willing to defend the idea that there is such a thing as a benign addiction. My morning cup of coffee, for instance, would fall into that category.

Other benign addictions? NFL Football. Cherry pie. Top 40 pop music.

How do I know that Oreo addiction is benign, while cocaine addiction, for instance, isn’t? Well, you’ve never heard of anyone going into prostitution because of Oreo addiction have you? You’ve heard of a crack house, but have you ever heard of an Oreo house? No, I didn’t think so. Although, come to think of it, that does sound delicious.

On the other hand, if you are seriously overweight, have high cholesterol, and are at risk for heart disease, I suppose Oreo addiction could be dangerous. In that case, my recommendation is to keep picturing all those hordes of rats swarming and frolicking in your bag of Oreos. That’s sure to break the addiction.

In closing, I’d like to thank the good people of Connecticut College for conducting this important study. Before today, I never knew there was any such thing as Oreo addiction research. I’m starting to think I may have missed my true calling in life.

Nathan Harden is editor of The College Fix and author of the book SEX & GOD AT YALE: Porn, Political Correctness, and a Good Education Gone Bad.

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(Image Source: Evan-Amos/Wikimedia Commons)