The College Fix

OPINION: Encouraging kids to strive for greatness brings the best out of them

Michele Exner is director of federal affairs at Parents Defending Education Action, but in addition to her day job fighting left-wing classroom indoctrination, she’s a wife and mother. But not just any mom — a Marine mom.

As her bio explains, “Michele began her career serving as an active-duty Marine officer, including two overseas deployments to Iraq and Africa. She received her undergraduate degree from the U.S. Naval Academy and has a master’s in Leadership, Education, and Development from the University of Maryland. She is the mother to a son and daughter who currently attend elementary school.”

Oh, and her husband’s a Marine too. So it’s safe to assume her kids are going to get a little tough love. And that’s OK — because it brings the best out of them.

In a panel talk Sunday in Irvine, Calif., at the Californians for Equal Rights Foundation’s annual conference, Exner explained to a room full of scholars, school board members, activists, attorneys and others gathered for the occasion that the progressive concept of equity is lowering the bar and destroying kids’ potential.

But not in her house. She said when her kids were brought to “tears” during recent “failures” in sports, she and her husband didn’t pat them on the back and tell them “that’s OK, you did your best.” Instead they said: “Hey, work harder. … We didn’t say, ‘Well quit.’ No, we said: ‘If you want to do better, you have to put in the work.'”

“That’s what life is,” Exner said she told her children. “This is the reality of life. Sometimes there are failures, and sometimes there are victories. And after every failure, my daughter went in the pool and swam better and faster than she did the time before.”

The sweat and tears came at a cost: two-a-day practices and 5 a.m. wake up calls — even during school break, Exner said: “If you don’t want to excel, then don’t go, right? … And so she showed up. And every single time, she did better.”

As a mother who raised a Marine, I can say from experience that’s the same advice I gave my son during his formative years when he played roller hockey from ages 8 to 18. I told him every moment is a championship moment and to give 110 percent. I told him to push himself, to fight. Not at first, but eventually, he was one of the best players on the team, and I can remember many a time he scored clutch goals to cheers.

And when he crossed the finish line during his crucible and became a Marine, it had all led up to that moment.

The College Fix recently reported on the findings of a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin who recently published a book titled “10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People.”

In explaining his research, Professor David Yeager stated that studies “continue to show that when you hold young people to high standards and make it clear that you believe they can meet them, you are showing respect by taking them seriously. Young people rise to meet the challenge because being respected is motivating.”

From real world examples to settled science, the reality is coddling kids does them no favors. Certainly the age-old argument of nature versus nurture means everything is a balance and the best a parent can do is support their children’s aptitudes and not try to make them into something they’re not. But don’t lower the bar.

MORE: What today’s young people need to thrive–tough standards with encouragement: psychology professor

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