Warn the Title IX office: Joe Biden named professor at University of Pennsylvania

So this is what the satirical Onion meant when it “reported” that Joe Biden was “making plans to go completely legit” after his vice presidency concluded.

The famously grabby Washington insider, known for manhandling other men’s wives in front of audiences, has just been named the “Benjamin Franklin Presidential Practice Professor” at the University of Pennsylvania, The Daily Pennsylvanian reports:

Biden will lead the Penn Biden Center for Diplomacy and Global Engagement, based out of Washington, D.C. The center, which is set to open later this year, will be focused on diplomacy, foreign policy and national security, according to a University statement released Tuesday morning.

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That fancy title means that Biden won’t be in front of students regularly (phew), at least for now:

In fact, a spokesperson for the former Vice President said Biden won’t be teaching at all.

“He will not be teaching classes,” Biden’s spokesperson Kate Bedingfield told The Daily Pennsylvanian on Tuesday morning. Biden’s work with Penn will be based out of Washington and Philadelphia, Bedingfield added.

Biden said he will “be engaging with Penn’s wonderful students while partnering with its eminent faculty and global centers” at the Biden Center.

Are Penn alums allowed to audit classes at the Joe Biden Institute for Studies in Joe Biden Excellence https://t.co/SLcggXoe65

— Peter Bonilla (@pebonilla) February 7, 2017

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The University of Delaware also wants a piece of its former senator, setting him up as “founding chair” of its new Biden Institute.

It approaches public policy like a mall food court, tackling subjects “ranging from economic reform and environmental sustainability to civil rights, criminal justice, women’s rights and more,” according to the university.

The Daily notes that Biden was swarmed by students when he showed up on campus on Election Day, and sure enough, “It’s On Us” Joe couldn’t resist planting a wet one on a gal’s cheek.